aspire with music.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

sang @10:12 PM.......

WELL.. In this post I am mainly going to complain and write out my feelings.. Well.. Upon getting back my MIP quiz results.. I am rather contented with myself knowing that this is the only test I ever did "well" in. So that did made me smile.. But at the thought of my CPPA and Maths test today.. I am feeling so panicky and all that.. Why? I dunno why also. Its like I never did put in the effort during lessons yet I expect so much from myself? I dun do my tutorials and always wait till the last minute to start studying.. Well of course its way too late..

At times its because I am really busy or I just procrastinate.. Thinking I have alot of time till reality hits me. I need to be more focus on my studies. I feel I have too much commitments yet I dun wish to put any of them down as they are all something I enjoy doing the most. Haiz.. Its hard. I need time management, I need people to watch over me.. FORCE me to do work and study. Guess thats the only way that will work for me.. I am such a spoilt brat. God hear my cries.. Give me strength and the ability to concentrate during lessons as well as the willingness to study. Its for my future not others.

Also, on top of my studies I have so many issues. I am not really the most cheerful person or happy person or the happy-go-lucky person you see. I am actually very sad deep inside. I dunno why also or how come I am still sad even after so long. Haiz.. I need to learn how to delete the hurtful and sad things in my life and replace them with happiness.. You know.. I do show it at times and I dun want to.. I dun want to be unhappy yet I cant be happy.. I know I sound like I am contridicting myself.. But maybe its cause I am having a war with my heart.

Also, lately.. I have been quite rude to my mum.. I shout at her.. Buzz her off.. And get all worked up and irritated at her. I know she ALWAYS REPEAT herself for my own good.. But I just cant take it? Here I am so troubled with work.. personal issues and there you are asking me REDUNDANT questions.. which I HAVE ALREADY ANSWERED! You think its so fun repeating yourself? Grr..

I think I shall end here.. I feel much better le. I believe with the friends I have around me. I will be able to get thru this. God be with me always =D

music makes you lose control